Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
