girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
