I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
