I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
