ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
