party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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