At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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