it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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