I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
