i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
