dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
