There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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