Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
