What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
