Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my poor anus
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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