My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
