He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
