I've blown a few things in my day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
