And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
