so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
