Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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