my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
