Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
