Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
