There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
