my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
