Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
