Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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