I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His nipple licking is glorious
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