it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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