We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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