Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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