i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
