what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
