He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
