video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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