Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
