She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
