I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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