How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
