My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
