I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
