The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Less talking, more tequila
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
