Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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