i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
