i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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