Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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