woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
