porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i will never coherently bang her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
