What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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