im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
