I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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