U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
